It's stupid
by thejollyape
Summary: Pointless angst from Holly's pov. Some time post-season 4 finale.


Holly were a great deal of things, but usually, foolish wasn't one of them. Actually she took a lot of pride in her mind, her work, her logic and her abilities. She'd worked her ass off for this job, to get in the position where she could even get this job. And it wasn't just a work thing. She read, she kept her mind sharp. She considered herself fairly intelligent. Which is why nothing the past weeks made the least bit of sense.

Because no matter how you tried to twist and turn things, to fall for a straight police officer was the absolute opposite of smart, in fact it was fucking stupid.

But all of that was only a faintly echoing footnote as she stood in the doorway to the living room of her apartment, watching the sleeping figure on her couch with a pained expression on her face. A pain that came from doubts and unwarranted as well as warranted fears. There was no name to the relationship between Holly and the sleeping woman. Gail insisted on calling them friends, which was true, but friends don't usually kiss other friends with tongue. Neither does friendship usually come with that tangled ball of lust and affection that seemed to expand and get caught up in every other emotion inside of Holly's chest. No, friend didn't seem as fitting a description as limbo did.

Gail suddenly turned over and stretched her arms languishly with a muffled groan.

"I know you're watching me," she slurred without looking up, content on keeping her arms resting across her face, blocking out the flickering lights from the muted TV and the kitchen lights questing through the opened door.

"Very observant of you, Super Cop," Holly teased as she walked over, pushing at Gail's legs to make room for herself on the small worn couch.

Removing her arms Gail looked up and out from her own little sleepy cocoon, her face showing emotions but none easily identified or described. "What time is it?" she asked, stretching out her legs again, letting them rest lightly across Holly's lap.

Mindlessly letting her hand run along the calf splayed out in front of her Holly leaned back. "A little after eleven."

"Shit," Gail exhaled, but didn't move a muscle.

"I guess you needed the sleep," she replied and tilted her head against the back of the couch to get a better look at her…friend. "Bruised ribs and heavy duty painkillers will do that to you," she added with a faint smile.

"I feel like I've slept for a week and could sleep for another week," Gail admitted.

"You probably should."

"Doctor's orders?" Gail teased, her sock covered toes digging lightly into Holly's side.

The smile on the brunette's lips held a surprisingly sad note. "Or something," she said in a hollow tone, grabbing hold of the tickling foot and placing it back down across her lap.

"You okay?" the blonde asked as she shifted her position, grimacing as pain shot through her chest at the movement.

"Easy," Holly warned. "And I'm not the one that got smashed up with a baseball bat."

"I told you those things would be the death of me," she joked with a smile.

Holly's face didn't reflect the humour, her eyes dark and big and unamused.

"It's not so bad, it was just some strung out kid who got lucky," Gail tried to downplay her own injuries.

Holly didn't reply to the comment, but untangled herself from under Gail's legs. "Are you going to be okay on the couch?" she asked as she stood up.

Blue eyes watched her intently, before Gail suggested. "I could go home."

"No, you should stay," she replied without hesitation. "You could take the bed."

"No, the couch is good," Gail replied, her voice faint and her tone almost shy. "Closer to the bathroom and the painkillers."

"You know where everything is," Holly commented with a look over her shoulder as she was halfway out of the room.

"Sure," Gail drawled with a confused look on her face, now sitting up completely. "You sure you're okay?" she asked once more.

"Of course," she replied instantaneously. "Why wouldn't I be?!" Holly finished with and left the room without giving Gail any time for a response.

Yeah, why wouldn't Holly be okay? It wasn't as if she'd been the one getting beat up on the job. It wasn't as if it was her division that had suffered a lot of casualties and injuries over the past months. It wasn't as if any of this was really Holly's concern. Gail was a friend of course and you supported and cared for friends, but Gail's world wasn't Holly's. Gail was a friend and Holly wasn't stupid.

But somehow none of the carefully constructed and rigorously maintained self-deceit seemed to make her fears go away and neither did it bring back the sensibility to what had become Holly's life. Because no matter what she said or did, the simple truth was that there was an injured straight cop on Holly's couch and Holly was so in love with her she felt like an absolute fool. And no, of course Holly wasn't okay.


End file.
